Saturday, December 17, 2005

Reflections from a Christmas Shopper

My mother and I went out for some Christmas shoopping and have come to several conclusions.

First, toys suck. Well, girly toys suck. The baby dolls look like children of satan, the "barbie" type dolls look like sluts and the plastic acessories (crowns and clip on earings, mainly) are so painful to wear, your daughter will have to hold back tears while she plays princess.

Second, action figures ROCK!

Third, my nephew is easy to shop for, but it's not necessarily any fun. He likes pokemon, pokemon, pokemon and, for something a little "different", neopets. Blah.

Fourth, my niece Julia is probably, hands down, the easiest and the most fun to shop for. She likes monsters. The more outlandish, the better. She also likes super heroes, but even then, its always the freaky looking ones like The Hulk and The Thing. My mom got her this hideous King Kong toy that pants, howls and roars when you push its chest in. The toy is a no brainer. She'll love it.

Fifth, my niece Jaime, is by far the hardest and the least fun to shop for. Though she is equal parts diva and tomboy, they mix in an indescribable way. There are no gifts for her! My mom was able to find a kareoke machine she'll love. Her dream is to be a pop star after all. But other that, we were both at a loss. It was torment and it was all PINK!!!!! I'll have nightmares for months now.

Sixth, well. You're gonna have to wait for this one. It's about a certain someone who reads this blog and they can't be seeing this stuff too soon, if you get my drift!

Last, people go to crazy lengths to sell off beat gifts, for reasons I will never understand. Case in point, the egg plant. Its an egg that...I have no idea. I guess you break the top part off to reveal that the bottom part is full of soil. You water it and a plant grows. Now for the weird part (that's right, NOW for the weird part), apparently, when the plant pops out of the soil, there will be a little plastic doo-hicky attached to it with a message. I have no idea how this works. Frankly, it boggles my mind. The display model had a plant with a plastic thingy that reads "message here," but fails to explain if you put a message in yourself, or if it comes with one. I have no idea how you'd get one in there since its buried in the soil. I dont even know how the plastic thing gets onto the plant since it starts as a seed. Again, it boggles my mind. Needless to say, they didn't seem to be selling very well.

I guess the moral of this story, or lesson, or mindless rant, is that when I have kids, I'm gonna find new and creative gifts to give them. Every toy in Toysrus really was a piece of crap that you only feed your to child satiate their lust for things. It's an easy thing to fall into and it is expected of you, as America is a nation of consumers. I just hope I can break that when my time comes...well...I'll still have my games. Oh, god. There is my kryptonite, for sure. My kids are gonna be hippy gamers, I can just see it now! HA!


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