Friday, March 31, 2006

Oh, Martha

Martha Stuart is crazy.

Do you know what she did on her show today?

She dumped ELMERS GLUE all over an arm chair and covered it with gold glitter.

Martha Stuart GLITTERED a fucking ARM CHAIR. - She even pipped it with bronze glitter.

She also glittered a trash can.

But it gets better.

Do you KNOW who helped her glitter this arm chair?

Orlando Jones and Rob Estes from the new crime drama The Evidence.

Oh, it was hilarious. Best TV I've seen in a loooooong time.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Ya Know What I Wish I Could Do?

I wish I could reply to spam.

No, really! I do!

Like, today I recieved a spam letter that had the headline "WE CURE ANY DISEASE!"

I wanted to to reply with:
"GREAT! Cos, this ebola is getting to be a real pain in my ass!"

Another spam said, "BE THE BIGGEST OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS!"

I wanted to reply with:
"Oh, but I already am!"

C'est la vie.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Anyone Need Some Snot?

I seem to be in abundance of it today.

Maybe I can blow it to look like my favorite sushi rolls sitting in the kleenex.

Any requests?

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Lord, I Can Relate!

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
- Mitch Hedberg

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Lick My Legs

I need a beer.

I need two beers.

I need a bucket of beer.

I need a boy to smack me on the ass - HARD - repeatedly.

I need to paint my walls - they are too white.

I need to hang stars from my ceiling.

I need space.

I need independence.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Do You Smell Something?

I really hate it when people try to make a point, but they don't have the balls to actually make it. John Q is a great example, but an even better example would have to be a commercial that's playing on TV right now. Now, I don't know if this is just a mid-west commercial or a national one, but someone has an anti-smoking campaign going on.

The commercial that's circulating now has a bunch of cows walking around what looks to be New York City, one of them is being ridden by a cowboy. A person with a megaphone announces to the general public that a cow farts methane gas and a cigarette also contains methane gas in it, so...

"Doesn't it make more sense for the Marlboro man to ride a cow?"

WHAT??!!

Now, come on! That's not what you are driving at! You are trying to tell people that they are smoking the same crap that comes out of a cows ass.

Get that cowboy off the damn cow, shove a straw up the cow's ass and tell that cowboy to SUCK.

THATS what your trying to drive home, so PLEASE. Just do it.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Fuckin' Fantastic Music

So, I've, ummm, "befriended" a guy on myspace by the name of Sean and his friends list is a goldmine of great music. Seriously. I'm overwhelmed when I glance through it all. So, here is what I have to share for now. I'm sure there will be more later and YES...I still want to make love to Rocco's dobro. MMmmm.

FIRST and foremost is Matthew Sturm of Ft. Wayne, Indiana. I wish I had the words to describe him that Sean does. All I can say is that his music does thngs to me that I can't put down here...they are far too dirty. Check him out. He is...is...never mind.
MATTHEW STURM

And then there is Clem Snide. *sigh* Again, I can't put anything I feel into words. I don't understand music, I can only feel it. But Eef Barzelay has one of the most beautiful and interesting voices I have ever heard. I am completely captivated by him.
CLEM SNIDE

Eef Barzelay has a solo album. A couple of his tunes are for download. Check him out as well. He is amazing. I REALLY love the song "Wasn't Really Drunk"
EEF BARZELAY

Clem Snide is coming to Madison April 19th and I WILL be there. Oh yes indeed. I probably shouldn't see Mr. Sturm in public for a while...I'd get thrown in jail.